this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
