my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
