It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
