dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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