I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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