i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
is that a dick in a sweater?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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