Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
