I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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