it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
