i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he thought i was a dude.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
