What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
