Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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