apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
this is an emotional support booty call
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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