I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i have two assholes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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