Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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