so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
