Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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