he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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