My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
