The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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