Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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