Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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