Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
