I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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