I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize