Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
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I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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