"it" just moved
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
