I wish I could teleport
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You made out with two different species that night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
