2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
