I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
