Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
