i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
