Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
