he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
