Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
