see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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