She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
