Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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