Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
