my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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