before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
