Kiss
Puke
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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