I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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