1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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