i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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