she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
