Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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