I have demons in me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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