i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
