If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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