omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
