R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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