I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
