It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
