He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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