Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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