My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize