finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
