Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize