I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
