I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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