There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
