your parents love me but you hate me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love you.
Bad choice
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