I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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