He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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