if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
