glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
