i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
