The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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