Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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