I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
