Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
