Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
