Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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