So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
