How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
