All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
