he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
