On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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