she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
