she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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