I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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