I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
