Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
